Britt and I have officially been married for 5 months!! It has already flown by and everyone tells me it’ll be ten years before we know it! I’m here to offer 5 lessons (of many) that I’ve learned in the 5 months we’ve been married.

1. Marriage is harder than dating (duh).
   Ha. This one will get a resounding YES from the audience, but man you don’t know it until you’re in it! This year has been challenging in so many ways. So far Britt and I have moved in together, attended two funerals (one family, one family-friend), watched our apartment flood (on the fourth floor), moved in with my parents (for 3 months post-flood), bought a house (this one’s fun), balanced our time between each other and 4 jobs (no joke)…ALL while learning how to be married, how to live together, and how to love each other as husband and wife (I’m exhausted all over again just writing it, let alone doing it!). This new role of “wife” brings some responsibilities along with the fun, but that’s life, right?
   
2. Marriage is not about me (although being the bride in a wedding sure does make it feel that way).
   When you get married there is this obvious shift from what I want and what is best for me, to what Britt wants and what is best for us. While you’re both dating, you evaluate, you question, you ask yourself “what do I want in a husband?” But once you get married, the evaluation stops and the commitment, for better or for worse, begins. If you want your marriage to not only survive, but thrive, and reflect the beauty of the Gospel, the conversation becomes US focused. What is best for our marriage? What will bring us closer together? What does Britt need from me right now? I’m tired, but how can I serve him? The responsibilities rise, but the reward rises as well (we’ll get to that).
   
3. Communication is Key!
   One way I’ve learned to serve Britt and lay down my own preferences is in regards to “getting space.” Although in some scenarios it is appropriate, it seems there is little room for space from my spouse. Some people might disagree with me here, but Britt and I have learned that, for us, “getting space” creates unnecessary distance, and distance creates disunity.
   
   When I leave Britt to cool down for too long, I am learning how to recover without him and how to “get over” what he said or did that upset me, rather than learning to communicate my feelings and work through them with him. I have created a place for Megan to go recover, but have provided no guidance or relief for Britt. This leaves him confused and upset with my sudden change of pace/emotion, and generally leaves the problem lurking due to a lack of communication. Even if I do feel better from time alone, the issue has not been resolved, but only postponed to when it reemerges with more fumes.
   
   It’s difficult to come to terms with communicating (in LOVE & with PATIENCE) in the heat of the moment, but that’s marriage. No taking the night to be alone and think about things (I mean, come on, we do sleep in the same room), no running away. It’s all right there: learning to let go of the emotion, consider the other’s perspective, and fight fair.
   
4. Marriage reveals my sin.
   Man, I was told marriage is sanctifying, but sometimes I feel like I see more sin than sanctification (I guess recognition is the first step!)
   –> I keep a record of wrongs.
   Yes, I know, rude. But sometimes, I hold things against Britt if he makes the same mistake twice. It’s my pride and my impatience in Britt’s (few) imperfections.
   –> I don’t fight fair.
   This one repeats the record of wrongs thing, but sometimes I twist arguments in my favor & I don’t always listen to his side…guilty.
   –> I forgive begrudgingly.
   When Britt asks me to forgive him, there are times when I am just taken aback that he would have the guts to ask me to do such a thing!!! I mean, CLEARLY, he deserves to have his wife mad at him…if you laughed at this, you’ve probably experienced it…
   
   Marriage has amplified my sin. It has shown me how truly guilty I am of pride, selfishness, and a lack of forgiveness. However, I know that through revealing these (major) character flaws, God will continue to chisel away at my brokenness so that Jesus can be better seen through my life.
   
5. Love is a choice.
   I have to choose Britt constantly and willingly. And honestly, sometimes, I don’t want to choose him. I want to hangout with a friend instead. Or I want to sleep rather than honor him with my time. Or I want to watch TV and not engage in a conversation (notice all of my excuses are ME focused rather than US focused).
   
   As much as love is natural (in the sense that we desire someone to walk through life with and that we are physically built for relationship), it is also unnatural (in that it’s contrary to our nature as sinners). To truly love someone as God loves us ( selflessly, with their best interest in mind, with no personal agenda or gain) is not possible apart from Christ. Only God loves with perfect selflessness and with pure motives (because He is Love, Perfection, and Purity).
   
   Our feelings, our heart, is deceitful! So, the moments I don’t feel like my husband and prioritizing him are the moments I have to choose him all the more! And, from experience, every time I make that choice, I fall more in love with him and am just in awe that he chose me as his bride.
   
   And doesn’t that remind you of our relationship with Jesus? When we choose him, our hearts become more aligned with His, we desire what he desires, and we fall more in love with Him, seeing the wonder of how he chose us first. How beautiful is the reflection of Jesus in marriage.

All to say, the biggest thing I’ve learned in the past 5 months is that marriage is work, but the work is worth it. Britt is the most caring and selfless man I’ve ever met. He makes me laugh like no one else, he serves me in all the details, he leads me to further reliance on Jesus, and he shows me the heart of God in the process. Thanks for 5 quick, wonderful months. 🙂 I love learning and growing with you!