Distracted, Distant, Deceived. That’s how I would describe myself the past few weeks. I’ve been distracted by the things of this world (social media, television, shopping, games, schedules, finances, you name it). I’ve been distant from the Word of God, not eager to pursue him , not desiring Scripture, and not prioritizing prayer. And these distractions and that distance have led to my deception. I have been deceived into thinking I can live this life on my own, that I don’t necessarily need to spend time with Jesus, and that I don’t really need His DAILY help and guidance.

We often kid ourselves thinking that since our sins are forgiven, we’ve got it covered and can “take it from here.” And Satan LOVES keeping this hazy perspective at the front of our minds. It’s like a child who is convinced they are self-sufficient, but only has the allusion of freedom and self-provision, because ultimately everything they have is due to their parent’s sacrifice and financial security.

Unfortunately at times, this is how I treat my sweet Jesus. “Thanks for the advice, but I got this.” “I appreciate your provision, but I don’t really have time for you.” “I know your Word will bring clarity, but I’m sure this person/job/meeting/money/school will bring me the help I am looking for too.” Just like a child, we build the allusion of control, self-sufficiency, and independence. We say He knows best, but our lives pursue a different reality.

All this to say, I’ve been in a dry season. I felt the distance between me and Jesus and I didn’t like it, but I also wasn’t motivated to change it. I wasn’t yearning for time in God’s Word, but rather, was okay with a five minute read or a quick thank you-prayer to check a task off my to-do list. I know in my head I need him, but I didn’t want him…horrible right?

So I prayed. I started asking God to renew my desire for His Word. I asked him to give me a passion for time with Him. I needed the Holy Spirit to pull me back in, because I couldn’t get there on my own. And (this is key) I kept reading. I didn’t leave God’s Word, but followed the discipline and habit I had created, knowing he would restore my desire if I asked him to and if I obediently came to spend time with Him (even if it was minimal). And y’all, Jesus filled my cup. When your prayers align with His heart, He answers!!! And if you’re listening, He answers BIG!! Yesterday, the Holy Spirit grabbed my heart and showed me God answered! I was awe-inspired by who He is, the forgiveness and grace He offers me, and the unconditional love He has for me all over again. I was reminded that the truth of God’s Word is life-changing. I was reminded of the Gospel, and the fact that Jesus wants to be with ME (a sinner, a hypocrite, a glory-thief) for the purpose of covering me with his righteousness (justification), changing me, and teaching me to walk with God again (sanctification). He showed me that He is still pursuing me, even when I don’t desire or delight in His presence (oh, wretched sinner).

Friend, He wants you. He is pursuing you in this moment, urging you to depend on Him, to turn back to His Word for guidance, truth, and direction. But we have to surrender to our need for Him, and ask Him to change our hearts in ways that only He can. If you are struggling to rely on the Lord, get in His Word! And if you are struggling to get in His Word, talk to Him about it. He cares, he answers, and in the end, your relationship with Him is THE most important thing.

When we return to His Word, the distractions are seen for what they are: less than, minimal, and unworthy of our attention, the distance fades in light of His glory, and the deception disappears as we hear and practice what is true. And that is what I want to embrace in this life and beyond…