This is a hard topic among Christians. In fact, maybe you clicked on the link because it is a difficult topic? Perhaps a controversial topic? Perhaps a personal topic? This issue is so relevant in the world and society we live in. A struggle like this is tough to admit in the Christian realm. One, because we as Christians have done a poor job loving those in the midst of this struggle. But also, because it implies the experience of feelings or questions that contradict the truth of Scripture. And if you love Jesus and want your life to reflect who He is, it is hard to admit you struggle with something that is so far from biblical (Read more about the biblical view of homosexuality here: Leviticus 20:13, Rom. 1:18-32, 1 Cor. 6:9-10).

Problems with sexual identity are more common than people let on. We are constantly bombarded by conversations, media, images, news, movies, music, etc. that can open the door to questions and confusion here. Many of us, specifically females, have a tendency to cling to a best friend, as we long for attention and depth, which easily leads to an unhealthy dependence that could result in identity confusion. This is why it is important for Christians to teach the truth of marriage (which we do very well), but also to create space for open and honest conversation for those who have questions and need clarity on their mind and experiences, both from Scripture and from a seasoned Christ-follower as their guide.

1. The first thing to know if this is something you have walked through/are walking through is: you are NOT alone. The devil wants to isolate us. He wants to pull us away from community and keep us in the dark so that there is nothing to do but spiral down this road of confusion with no voice of reason or Truth in your life. The more “alone” you feel, the more you are filled with shame. The more shame you experience, the less likely you are to seek counsel or clarity. It is an endless cycle of hurt and confusion and the longer you sit in these questions, the harder it is to get out. YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this struggle. There are countless individuals who have walked through these same identity questions…but they are sitting in the silence too. Don’t carry this burden alone. Find a trusted individual, a trusted CHRISTIAN who centers their counsel on the Bible, to share your struggle with.
2. Your heart is deceitful above all else. (Jeremiah 17:9). Do you know what that means?? Your feelings and emotions cannot be trusted!! They will fling you and throw you in all directions, because they have been tainted by the fall. You cannot rely on your feelings to determine what is true. They will only throw you deeper into uncertainty. This is important to remember as you battle what could appear to be same sex attraction. That is NOT how God made you, or who God made you to be, because it is a direct contradiction to His Word. But to know that…
3. You must cling to God’s Word. Hebrews 4:12 says the Bible is living, active, and judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. When our feelings are confusing, God’s Word is SURE. It is useful for teaching us truth, rebuking our shortcomings, correcting our sinful actions (thoughts and attitudes included), and instead, training us in righteousness (1 Timothy 3:16-17). It is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path (Psalm 119:105). When our world seems fuzzy or unclear, God lights the way, one step at a time, with His Scripture. Living by His Word equips us to walk in purity (Psalm 119:5).
4. You also have to remember that Satan does and WILL plant thoughts in your head. And if you’re still reading this, I’m guessing he already has. Whatever thoughts, impurities, or questions you are experiencing in regards to your sexuality (or anything for that matter) are very much an attack from the devil. That’s right, you are under ATTACK. Satan wants nothing but to hurt you, to destroy you, and to keep you from Truth. And if it comes from a question of your identity, that is exactly what he will use to destroy you, to keep you from ministry, and to steal your joy. He will plant thoughts and images of impurity in your head in pursuit of your demise. He wants to see you fall slowly away from God. He wants to take away your hope by leaving you in the midst of thoughts you don’t understand, but that are still there. Instead of letting those thoughts seep into your heart, you must take them captive. (For more on this, click HERE )
5. But Christian, the Good News, the GREAT News, is that you don’t have to listen to the devil!!! You do not have to sit in the lies he is throwing at you. You do not have to listen to the deceit of your heart, and you never have to be alone. Because in Jesus, you can PROCLAIM victory! Jesus already conquered your grave. That means He overcame your sinful thoughts, your twisted emotions, and the shame that overwhelms you within this. And He is calling you into His arms, even with all the brokenness you carry. He is calling you into Christian community, so that you can be taught the truth about who you are in HIM, rather than listening to what this world tells you, or even what your head may tell you.

You see friend, this is a TOUGH mental battle, and it is one I have personally walked, and many others have too. But let me tell you, the freedom you are seeking won’t come from a list of to-do’s. Because chances are, your perfectionism and your fear of these thoughts is exactly the thing the devil is using to further entangle you.
Freedom comes when you accept the truth of the Gospel.
Freedom comes when you stop dwelling on how horrible your thoughts are and start dismissing those lies the second they enter your head.
Freedom comes when you stop striving and start trusting that you are forgiven.
Freedom comes when you stop seeking and yearning for victory and start PROCLAIMING the victory you already have. Because the truth is, sweet Jesus-follower, you’re already free. The devil’s got NOTHING on the blood of Jesus. All you have to do is confess, repent, and walk in the newness of life you’ve already been granted at the cross. And never, ever look back, unless it is to see how faithful our God is to deliver us from sin.

In the end, the Gospel is not about US, but it’s all about HIM. Jesus takes an ugly story of brokenness, doubt, and fear like mine, and turns it into a beautiful picture of His grace and redemption. Sharing this part of your brokenness with others is hard (I’ve been there!!! And it’s still scary). Maybe you fear losing your Christian reputation, your influence, or even your family. Maybe you are afraid of the judgment that could follow an admission of guilt (again, I’ve been there). But you see, Satan has power in the dark! And the more we hold onto the “what if’s” of honestly sharing our life and our struggles, the more he has power over us. The longer we let Satan rule this area of our minds (or any area of temptation or confusion), the stronger pull he has on us…to take us away from our God-given friendships, away from ministry, away from Truth, and most importantly, away from a God who can fix it all the moment we surrender.

Friend, you are NOT less of a Christian because of the things you’ve struggled with. In fact, your struggles display a more full picture of the Gospel. They show your NEED for Jesus. Our weaknesses show His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9-11). Do not run from this, or even worse, run into this. Seek counsel. If you’ve read this far, you are in the right place!! God is drawing you back into Himself. Are you listening?