My wonderful man and I are ENGAGED. My heart is overflowing with love… but at the same time it is breaking. Britt has been given the most wonderful opportunity to play professional soccer in Finland!! Half of me tells him, “yes, go, succeed!” while the other half begs him not to leave me.

But my guy is leaving. The Lord called and he’s answering. And although I believe Britt needs to go, that answer isn’t exactly how I pictured our engagement. It feels like we’ll be an eternity away, so far that my heart cries out when I think about it. He’s my truest friend, he’s my companion, and now my fiancé. And let me tell you, distance was NOT in my plan, and it wasn’t in Britt’s either.

But sweet Jesus is reminding me that Britt is not mine to claim. He belongs to my God, who has graciously let me walk with him for 12 life-changing months. Jesus is my source, my strength. He is Britt’s source and strength. We walk this life together, but only in greater pursuit of Christ, knowing that ultimately HE fulfills us, and not each other. So in this, I am submitting to the ugly distance that is approaching, with a heart full of joy in what God will teach us, how he will grow us and how we will display him within the disfunction. Now, don’t get me wrong, the presence of joy does not mean the absence of sadness (because the tears are so real). Rather, it means the presence of Jesus within our struggle. It means although our earthly perspective says “how will this work” our heavenly perspective reminds us God will sustain us. Our joy, our satisfaction, our love is first and foremost placed in Him.

There is a lot we don’t know and are uncertain of, but we do know that Our God is trustworthy, he is faithful, and he has given Britt an unimaginable opportunity to pursue his biggest dream, while representing Christ. He has blessed him with clarity of direction, and he has given me peace in a place where anxiety tries to creep in constantly.

And preface: I don’t wake up every morning with this perfect mindset. In fact, it’s easier to let those anxious thoughts run wild. It is easier to submit to the lies than to dismiss them and stand in truth. But the Lord has been teaching me that although I cannot control every thought that enters my head, I can control which ones I choose to dwell on, for God has given us power over our minds. So, Britt and I are choosing to focus on God’s promises rather than the waves of our circumstances.

Yes, saying goodbye to my fiancé for these next months was a challenge, but saying hello to all God is offering us through our trust in Him will be that much sweeter. Not to mention marriage!!! So we wait in expectation of that day, and are reminded that this eagerness is the same way we should live while awaiting the return of our King.